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Friday, December 8, 2006

i don't really have anything interesting to say (have i ever?).

i had a fairly crappy day, unfortunately.
was extremely depressed.
there are times when i can explain it...because it will be triggered by something specific.

but today, it just came over me like a flood...felt confused, couldn't concentrate, felt like crying, didn't feel like doing anything, was irritated - all this while at work, can you imagine?

i don't understand it at all.

its so frustrating. such a useless and harmful "thing".
people who have never experienced it cannot even begin to comprehend what it feels like, and they are very fortunate.

frustrating is putting it very mildly actually, because you can't say "look, how swollen this is" or "look at this deep gash" or "please remove this 1,000 weight off my shoulders"...its invisible, tasteless, odorless.....from the outside, people just think you're being a pain in the ass...oh come on, get over it....suck it up....everyone goes through this...this is normal

they're so wrong.

its debilitating & paralyzing.

and no, i will not get on medication.
i'll either fix it myself or suffer through it til it magically goes away

ok, getting sleepy again...must be 10 oclock.

goodnight

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