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Monday, December 18, 2006

has it been 3 days again?!?

my life is somewhat boring...quite uninteresting actually.

maybe throughout the 35 years there have been a few moments worthy of mention (just not right now).

my imaginary life, however is the most exciting thing since sliced bread. wow, do i have fun (i go dancing, i sing, play guitar/piano, have a social life, laugh, have sex, don't stress... its like those "virtual world" games i keep seeing lately...where you make a choice for your "character" and the next day things have changed, etc...can't think of the name right now)

imaginary=in my head ; fantasy..."i wish this were real" life.

i've mentioned this before (and i'm sure it happens to everyone), but my brain never stops.
its constantly bombarding me with thoughts, words, images....whole stories - related to decisions i made, conversations i had, life experiences....i'm always replaying
everything that i do & say.

if i recall an event and i didn't like the result...well, in my
imaginary life i fix it and continue the story - always happy endings, and when the story starts to turn ugly, i stop and move on to something else.

i know this sounds strange...but i've been this way my whole life. i cannot remember a time when i haven't escaped into my
head life.

some escape to alcohol, others to drugs, even more to sex.

i figure its safer to do it my way....i do have a fear - that because my imagination is so active, it might eventually affect the memories from the real that i can't tell whats really happened.

although, knowing me - if everything gets jumbled up, i'm sure i'll believe that the bad stuff is what really happened and the good stuff was invented, 'cause i'm twisted that way.

one day i'll write my imagined hell of a story

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