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Sunday, April 8, 2007

...the reason.

i've had restless sleep for a couple, maybe three weeks.

lots of dreams...actually more like nightmares, as I usually wake up with a gasp and unaware of where i am.

i'm not being chased by a knife-yielding madman, or confusedly walking down long dark hallways to the sound of my racing heart, or being thrown off a cliff during a thunderstorm (pretty common subjects for previous nightmares)

except for the recent one where there were giant, colorful evil lizards coming at me... the dreams contain fairly "normal", mundane activities BUT everything is off kilter somehow. there is a terribly uneasy feeling that something bad is going to happen. there is tension and anxiety from the belief that there is something awful around the corner, but i never have the ability to know exactly what it is.

i actually know why this is happening.
its because i have made a decision that is causing lots of confusion within me.
i am filled with doubts and i'm not sure if its my intuition i should re-examine or if its external sources that are influencing me, causing me to doubt myself.

what decision have i made? well, i'm quitting my job - turning in my notice tomorrow, actually. (i don't think i'm in danger of any pertinent people reading this before the deed is done, so i am allowing myself this outlet). i have the need to take 2-3 months "off" of to help with my mom, who's having some health issues. I also will use this time to do MY work and to breathe the air of freedom...

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