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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

This isn't terribly interesting or important, for that matter...

Well I've had a few difficult days. Last Thursday afternoon-ish I felt this wave of sadness go over me and it refuses to go away (that's why I haven't posted anything). I had no near-death experience, yet my whole life has flashed before my eyes. Re-living whats happened to me...what I've said...what I've done....what I haven't said, haven't done. It doesn't stop. It might be because I haven't really left the house much, but I haven't felt like going anywhere. So that leaves me with so much time to think. Haven't even felt like drawing or reading or gardening or writing or anything. Just think.

I need to recharge my soul. Feel the aching desire to get away from all I know, but I know I won't do it. I wonder where is that woman who was able to say just a mere 2 years ago, "ok, I'm moving" and within 4 months was out and away from everything she had ever known up to that point, who was able to leave her comfort zone. Well, she ain't here right now and DAMN, that pisses me off.

I've said this before and it makes perfect sense that anyone who has never experienced depression doesn't understand it. They cannot fathom how someone can't just get out of it, let it go, move on with life. I'm glad they don't have first-hand experience, they're very fortunate.
Sadness happens to everyone, when there is good reason and then it passes, because life must go on. This thing that possesses and takes over me is beyond that, this clingy dark fog that enters my brain and messes everything sucks.

No, actually it sucks big, hairy, green donkey balls.

[umm, why are they green?]

LOL, yes I can laugh while I'm depressed, its one of my talents.

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