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Saturday, June 28, 2008

here i go again...

Watching movies I shouldn't,
because they make me sob...
the sentiment is so familiar.

Looking at photos I shouldn't,
because they make me remember...
I was happy but didn't know it.

Feeling things I shouldn't,
because its just plain hopeless...
can't turn back time.
___________________

I hate it when I'm like this...like I don't have dark enough circles under my eyes?
The tears won't make that any better!
I hate it even more that I feel compelled to share it with you.
I have a huge headache now.
I should be sleeping - its 3:30....but my mind is wandering too much...re-visiting old haunts.
Ugh...I hate it when I'm like this (have I already said that?)

I'm the only person of everyone I know that can't move forward, get better, progress.
I'm stuck, within myself.

I am the gate keeper to this.........

ugh, nevermind.

sleep sounds like a good idea

3 comments:

Back In Action said...

I don't think you don't progress - I admit I do not know you in person, but from what i see - in your art, in your etsy shop, in your ambition - is alot of movement. which i think is pretty damn impressive for someone who struggles with depression.

Ana said...

I was pretty down when I wrote this post.
This might sound silly, but I had just finished seeing "brokeback mountain" and I was just absolutely sobbing. I've seen it a couple of times and it ALWAYS happens (but I can't NOT watch it).
I felt SO sad, its ridiculous. Their whole relationship ...ugh.
I guess it would be easy to understand if you know how important movies are to me. I learn lessons and analyze my OWN life, through the things I see in movies. So that one in particular is about an amazing bond these people have that is destined to not end happily...anyway,I was crying like a big fat baby and thinking about my own inability to have a relationship...well, you know where that goes!

I understand what you're saying though, its just hard for me to see it, because I see myself as stuck. Like I was in 3 feet of cement, you know?

Anyway, thank you!!

Back In Action said...

i do know the three feet of cement feeling...it's like a ton of bricks are layered on top of you. i've laid in bed for months like that and joked with brian that he'd have to get me a bed pan because i was never going to get out from under the covers.